


Loving him was Red

by Spring_Emerald



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, M/M, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 16:28:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6247273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spring_Emerald/pseuds/Spring_Emerald
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Moving on from him is impossible when I still see it all in my head...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loving him was Red

**Author's Note:**

> Back with KakaIru angst. 
> 
> Inspired by Taylor Swift's Red, if it isn't obvious. 
> 
> I'm so sorry. 
> 
> Unbeta'd. Apologies for any mistakes.

**_Yellow_** was the sunshine made brighter with his genuine smile. Radiating warmth and happiness that he was so sure he could never have, begins to swell in his heart, all because of that smile. It was the first time Kakashi sees Iruka for the person that he is. Not the pompous paper- pusher worker front at the Mission Room, nor the overprotective chuunin sensei. Not even the great man that Naruto always lauded him to be.

Just Iruka.

Just the beautiful, and carefree Iruka.

 

 _ **Brown**_ , the man he came to love, all warm and caring. Brown like the chocolate that evokes the sweetest, happiest memories. The expanse of skin he loved to worship. The length of hair he longs to stroke each night. The intense eyes that never fails to communicate the encompassing love for everyone, but the greatest and most passionate, for him.

 

 _ **Pink**_ is the color of the cheeks, signaling the rushing flow of blood. The only blood he wants to see on Iruka. The only blood he would willingly make Iruka bleed. The color of embarrassment, the color of his adoration for the gray haired man.

 

 _ **Orange**_ was the obnoxious laughter, matched with the amusing snort. Orange for the family he made for himself, and continuously he keeps safe wholeheartedly. Orange is the color of someone he would not hesitate to die for. His only consolation for this, is Naruto would never hesitate to die for Iruka as well. Though he hopes it never has to come to it.

 

 _ **Purple**_ was the color of anger, the face of defiance against a stronger opponent. It’s the ticking time-bomb, the proverbial button he so willingly pushes to the limits. He pays dearly for it every time, but nothing worth having comes without any sacrifice. Even for as trivial as his amusement.

 

 _ **Violet**_ , the flower often left at the Memorial Stone, where he would reverently trace the engraved names of the fallen, the carved names of his loved ones that are carved deeper in his heart. It was also the flower Iruka had given Kakashi. This made the older one wonder if Iruka is giving it to him because he’s expecting him to die soon. Iruka sputtered and exclaimed that his intention is nothing like that. Kakashi found out later the message it was saying, and they both willingly took a chance at happiness.

 

 _ **Green**_ is the color the twisted feeling somewhere in his gut whenever he sees Iruka with other people. He has long since accepted that Iruka is a public persona. Children flock to him like bees would to honey. And parents, having their kids’ sweet tooth satisfied, adore him. Fellow ninjas, who may think that he’s overbearing and maybe too much of a nagger for his own good, never once complained about it. It does build some sort of camaraderie among them, after all. Still, just because he accepts this fact, doesn’t mean he likes it. Especially, since Iruka is someone who goes out of his way to please anyone. A light touch by a colleague here, and a hug by a child there, or a smile from a market vendor selling food that Iruka doesn’t even like, would likely sway the chuunin into giving in. Kakashi wishes he could keep Iruka with him always, away from prying eyes and unsolicited touches.

But Kakashi knew that is impossible, for Iruka craves that kind of life.

And he craves for the life that is Iruka.

 

 _ **Red**_ is the explosion of passion unto lips and unto body, by eager hands claiming purchase at whatever part they could grasp. Red was the gulps of air taken after a long meeting of the lips, as well as the diving in back again, to savor each moment, each kiss, each touch.  

 

 _ **Black**_ is the only peace he has ever known. It is unusual for others, but not to him. Never to him. He’s been living in the dark for a very long time after all. The dark is where he is riddled with memories. Most of them unpleasant, but he’d rather have them, than nothing at all. And in that, he finds peace.

The loathing he has for himself for outliving many others is his atonement, which he makes in the dark.

That slowly and gradually changed when Iruka came into his life. Black is the color of peace he has ever known. For in the dark, even though he could not see, he could feel Iruka’s presence, and that is enough for him.

 

Out of all the colors, _**white**_ was what he come to hate the most. Mundanely, it is the color of milk that just absolutely leaves an ugly taste on his palate, all the supposed nutritious benefits be damned. The color that blood gets visible the most, and the color in which it is very hard to get out of. The color of porcelain mask tainted by blood of countless, nameless people.

White is also the color of nothing. With white, the stark emptiness of a room is obvious, screaming. At least in the pitch darkness, he was never left alone.

The white walls of the hospital with the ominous beeping sound of the machine has never made him feel so helpless, so desperate… the looming of death he tries to deny. They may be surrounded by people, but Kakashi has never felt more truly alone than seeing Iruka lying on the white bed, with white sheets around him, and his complexion also slowly, perilously turning pale… turning white.

 

 _ **Blue**_ is the ocean where he lays to rest. Where he floats among his namesake, free of the burdens of this cruel world imposes.

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, I'm sorry. 
> 
> Comments would be really nice though.


End file.
